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October 2005
A Quick Lesson in Chinese Pronunciation
As expounded by Jonas after class.
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"Tai–Chee"
The supreme/ultimate/very large peach
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"Tai–Jee"
Master Zhang Zhi Jun demonstrates the martial art Taiji
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01: Saturday
I was reading "Martial Musings" by Robert W. Smith. In it he said this: "Like all good things, taiji is a kind of loving, an art of being genuinely and totally real." And then he quoted from the book The Velveteen Rabbit. In the story the toy rabbit asks the horse, "What is real?" And the horse answers, "Real isn't how you are made. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real. It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose at the joints and very shabby."
Beautiful day: cool and sunny.
Two sets of 24 Form... lots of qi— lots. I'm glad I know this form, else I think it would be years yet before I felt the qi.
Chen...
Slowly, feeling my way, trying to be... more precise...
Better. Surprisingly better.
The dao juan heng sequence is getting there...
Tui bu ya zhu is still not right. If I keep my feet straight to nine o'clock and "go on rails" I'm not quite flexible enough in the hips to do the arm whirling correctly— but I improve!
Stretching. (I hate stretching.)
02: Sunday
Gorgeous day.
I began with fifteen minutes of meditation. How scattered my thoughts!
Stretching...
Some 24 Form...
I am glad I learned this form first... maybe in another 25 years I'll get it right.
Snake is going to haunt me to my dying day— be that day ever so far removed. Today, as I sank, sending the snake down, I heard— as I most always do— David saying, "This is a Chen move. Keep your toe up." And I finally noticed that I'm not doing a "Chen move" at all! My foot position is wrong: my toe is wrong, my knee is very wrong. What an idiot I am! Still, since no one has watched me do this move in three years, I might be held excused in part...
I (think) I know what the move is supposed to look like; I just don't know what I look like doing the move. *sigh* Rats.
I've been working on it, but even changing my shoes hasn't helped. *sigh*
Lotus kicks... Better.
No wonder serious taiji students have to practice eight or ten hours a day. There's so much conditioning to do besides learning the forms!
Practice! Stepping... Some Chen...
Dao juan heng, tui bu ya shu... again... again... again... going slowly, feet straight, trying to find the way...
It gets better, I think; but, it's still not right: I seem to be right between "You know there's an error, but not what" and "You realize what the error is but can't correct it." I have my suspicions as to the errors, but I'm not sure.
Later I'll practice yan shou hong quan and make sure I've got the arm movements correct. I noticed the other night that I had the coordination wrong when Jonas went through it slowly:
Jump into ma bu, hands crossed low...
Right fist circles our and up into a strike as left hand ni-chans up to protect...
Right fist curls back to left elbow...
Left hand sun chans across to strike left as right fist screws downwards...
Both hands screw downwards and outwards...
Jump to the left as the left hand circles up— palm up pointing to the forty-five— and the right fist circles up and in, coming to rest above the tantien.
03: Monday
Beautiful day.
Today's meditation was more of a disturbing dream than calming, clarifying practice. What gives? Just listening to a lecture about the benefits of TM in education shouldn't've affected my practice...
(David Lynch was at Brown last night with John Hagelin and Fred Travis doing a presentation for the David Lynch Foundation for Consciousness-based Education and World Peace. It was very interesting— and those guys were in "What the Bl**p Do We Know?" which was also very interesting.)
But maybe the ideas there re-roiled the ideas about taiji that I've been dealing with since last Tuesday (and even before that!)... Guess I'm in transition again.
Chen. Slowly. Yan shou hong quan, jin gang dao zhui, pie shen shui, bei zhe kao, xia yan shou chui, jin bu shuang tui shou, san huan zhang, zhou di chui, dao juan heng, tui bu ya zhu...
One set of 24 Form...
Creeping... "This is a Chen move..." Better.
The middle finger on my left hand is bruised from lotus kicks.
Jonas sent an email: He's planning the miao dao workshop(s)— and miao dao fencing classes, too! Yay!
04: Tuesday
Dark... the meadow is full of fog... heavy dew drips from the maple...
Zhong pan, middle winding. Jonas said he didn't know the reason for the name, but his interpretation was that the energy was splitting from the center. Unwinding, maybe?
Just now, I sketched the moves to be sure I remembered them. We're doing so much more in class now than merely piecing each move. It's a little more difficult for me to get the moves down... Well, this is advanced taiji. I ought not complain about having to work harder!
You know what? Karate crossed wrist "blocks" aren't blocks at all, but rather hold breakers.
Moving push hands was very difficult for me tonight.
I'm tired, so I'm going to bed.
05: Wednesday
Some Chen. Zhong pan...
The valve on the hot water heater let go this morning. Good thing I went to check on that sound of running water: the corner of the basement was only drenched, not flooded, and Bill came right over and fixed it. Yay!
06: Thursday
07: Friday
I'm feeling very bad about practicing today. Bad to the point of not wanting to do it. All the things Joe said really hurt...
Is he right? Do I really suck at taiji?
Aaaargh! I'm caught in the dharma!
Later:
I felt better for a while after reading about the eight worldly dharmas: pleasure & pain, loss & gain; praise & blame; fame & disgrace. But, even knowing about these traps, I find I am still upset by having been told my moves are "too karate." Unbelievable! Three years at the dojo and I couldn't erase the stigma of being though "too taiji" in my moves. Now this!
Hasn't anyone ever looked at me without prejudice?
It makes me afraid. That thought makes me afraid. What if no one can see me as I truly am?
08: Saturday
Pouring rain... very warm. the view from Shangri-La remains green, so I was surprised today to see the front walks and driveway littered with red, orange, and yellow leaves. How did fall manage to sneak up on us so?
Today I have been learning about crossbows— Ming Dynasty crossbows, with the charge of building on for Jonas to use in his reenactment, the which is in aid of enlightening and informing our upcoming miao dao lessons.
This first 'bow will be non-functioning, I think... it's finding a prod that presents the problem. I haven't the horn or the laminating skills to build an authentic recurved prod... but I may be able to make on of fiberglass... and there are other crazy people who build replicas and may sell such things. We'll see.
"The Art of Groundfighting" by Tedeschi arrived today. I picked it up at the library late this afternoon. Tons of illustrations— photos of all the techniques, diagrams showing the pressure points, lots and lots of grappling. If only I had someone to practice all this with!
Books:
Qi Jiguang (1528-1587)
A New Book of discipline and Effectiveness
Li Chengfen
Archery Manual in The Complete Collection of Ancient and Modern Books and Pictures
Gao Ying (Ming)
Orthodox Introduction to Martial Archery
The Water Margin
09: Sunday
10: Monday
Rain and chill.
Stepping with my tea... xiao jie ling jing! Be sure the toes lead when picking up your feet...
I enjoy stepping. Now. After all these years.
Some very slow 24 Form, with real Chen style creeping: toe up, knee up...
I really do need new shoes.
Some Chen...
Zhong pan. The hands are difficult. I think the problem is that my left wrist is very stiff, even after all the bo and sai work. Ill have to do better. Still, my hands are much more relaxed than ever before.
I've been working on the design of the crossbow Jonas wants. I haven't yet decided what sort of prod to use— or how to attach it. Lots of options available, all of them legitimate choices for the period...
But the real sticking point is— well, face it: not everyone could afford a composite prod. Though, I suppose, the regular army was well-equipped. *sigh* I don't know. Maybe I should write to Stephen Selby (ATARN)and find out if there's a supplier.
11: Tuesday
Drizzle. Chill.
I couldn't practice today— couldn't make myself. I'm all tied in a knot...
I swept the porch. I'd left some sawdust from working on the crossbow yesterday, and there were lots of gold pine needles the rain brought down...
I felt better sweeping. A little.
I know I'm not supposed to mind being so alone. I know it's all illusion. But... I think people who are never touched or loved sicken and die, same a animals. I've been alone way too long.
12: Wednesday
13: Thursday
I sat for a while this morning. Barefoot, I idly stretched my toes, then I noticed I could separate my small toe and get a shun chan diga sort of effect going. Ni chan was more difficult. Interesting.
Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day...
Reading today from "Fifty Years in the Fighting Arts: An Interview with Robert W. Smith" by Russ Mason. (Journal of Asian Martial Arts, Volume 10, Number 1, 2001)...
It was a dark and stormy night...
One set of 24 Form...
A little Chen...
The thing is, I understand the moves and how they're supposed to work, but my body hasn't caught up with my head.
Sections one and two... section five...
Why am I so tense in section five? My heart was pounding by the end.
14: Friday
Pouring rain... pouring.
Stepping with my tea... toes "alive."
A little (very little) Chen...
I am trying to figure out how folding the kwa works...
15: Saturday
At sunset today the sky began to clear...
Nine days of rain. They closed the bridge this morning shortly after I took Ma to taiji. Water like brown glass seemed to lay thick over the dam, and a high roiling torrent frothed below. Late in the afternoon the water level began to drop, and the bridge was reopened.
It's been raining so long I had lost track of the moon's phase, and I was surprised to see it rising so near full.
Now, late in the evening, the water coming over the dam looks like black obsidian, the moonlight like opal on the black water an the foam. Looking down river, the black and opal obsidian writhes beneath a zigzag of white sparkling foam.
The sky is deep milk blue, the moon bright, the stars sharp but pale. The wind is wild and getting very strong. I brought my tomato plant in.
I practice today listening to the pouring rain. Stepping, stretching, a little work with the weights... some 24 Form.
Some reading... some TCA.
16: Sunday
Sun! It didn't last long, but it was good to see it. The price was wind. Wind that howls even in Shangri-La.
Silk reeling today in front of the wood stove while Jo and I talked about energy states and quantum physics, and whether the future is the past and predetermined, or whether a new future course changes the past to accommodate it.
Silk reeling. Working the energy.
17: Monday
Sun and wind.
Stretching...
A little Chen...
I have not been enjoying practice. Too many negative thoughts obtrude. I wish I could get away from myself.
Cool, blue moonlight... calm...
Zhong pan...
Tui bu ya zhu is better, I think...
Wish I could stay out and play in the moonlight. My mind is calmer tonight.
18: Tuesday
Sun; mild, calm air...
After zhong pan, we revisit bai he liang chi and xie xing ao bu (white crane and walking obliquely), so I have gained some ground.
Jonas showed up last night with three hours of material he wanted to cover. I wish we could just keep going—
No matter: We always learn a lot.
Things are changing for me. Maybe I'm changing, or taiji is changing me. I feel differently about it. My approach to lessons and to practice feels different...
It's very hard to pin this change down, but I know it's real because this journal reflects the change. I write with a different focus.
Taiji is... taiji is. For me.
The sun is low and shines under the porch roof. The sky is full of icy clouds. At last the trees are turning colors!
And I shut the door now when I leave for work.
19: Wednesday
20: Thursday
Cool. Sun. Breeze.
Stepping with my tea...
Some work with the 15-pound dumbbells. (Miao dao classes coming up! Got to be ready!)
Some Chen...
Xie xing ao bu: when in ma bu, hands open, then the left hand shun chans down, around and up. Now right hand shun chans, left ni chans into the classic forearm hold (wrist and elbow controlled) and we lu left, shun-chan-ni-chan, and lu right, this time leading with the right toe...
During this sequence, my lower body felt very... static? unengaged? What with all the emphasis this week on engaging the lower body, I felt I must've missed something. I tried the sequence quite a few times, each time looking for a way to "enliven" feet, legs, hips— something down there...
A little fold in the kwa? Fang song? I'm still not sure. I was going to email the class and ask if I had missed some explanation the week I was out, but when I got to my email, I had one from Stephen Selby, the archery expert, telling me he has the specs for a Ming crossbow, and more besides, and I got so excited, I forgot about my question in emailing Jonas to tell him the good news.
21: Friday
A pale day. 50º The leaves are turning...
Stepping with my tea, minding the set of my left leg to keep the wobble out...
Some Chen. All I know. Gently...
My lotus kicks are ever so much better...
Things are changing... practice is changing... for the better, I think. (I hate change)...
But I am still a little impatient.
22: Saturday
Rain. Leaden sky. No practice.
23: Sunday
More rain and gray.
Some work with the 15-pound dumbbells.
Silk reeling.
A very little Chen.
24: Monday
A little pale, unexpected sun. I took the time to do a set of Chen...
Later, early for work (errands took very little time), I practice on the Green...
Some Chen... very gently... very relaxed...
I need to review the "hop step" in section five: the sequence of moves is muddled in my head. I need to think it through.
Overall, I am happier with my Chen.
One set of 24 Form to cool down.
25: Tuesday
Rain and high winds. I think of this as a cleaning away all the bad I've been wading and wallowing in lately. Today will clear it away...
My birthday with stands as stated.
I'm trying to believe in myself. Sensei told me when we spoke that last time that I deserve to have found what I love and to be able to study and explore it— those weren't his exact words, except he did say "deserve;" I know he meant well for me. I deserve... taiji, happiness, love, peace, friends, friendship, all that is good.
Shan tong bei: fan through the back. I have come full circle— one circle. This was the first move and application I learned from Jonas. But I haven't practiced it since I learned section five. The moves at the end of section four seemed very... unconnected, and so I began practicing at the beginning of section five with shi zi bai lian, cross white lotus.
It's all different now, of course. Snake spits and then shan tong bei. So much detail now, and yet so much more to come. I told Jonas tonight, "You made my brain hurt."
26: Wednesday
blessed be! Sun!And bright colored trees. It's chilly, though— 40º — and I can see my breath.
Today, I remember shan tong bei much better— though the last turn is different...
Wish I could stay out practicing, but I have a breakfast date.
27: Thursday
Sun and cool. The early sun illuminates Kwan Yin who watches over me and my practice...
Stepping with my tea...
Shan tong bei... I remember and yet I don't...
A little Chen... Jonas asked us the other night if our hands were becoming more relaxed. Mine are. I hadn't noticed lately, but, yes, they are. And so is the rest of me.
The morning wasn't a dead loss. While I waited for the dentist, I worked on the hand coordination in zhong pan. I've got it now!
And when I got back, I had some time, so I worked on shan tong bei, and I was relaxed, so the fajing! worked. Fajing! Excellent! I did it a bunch of times, and managed to stay relaxed throughout. Yay!
I've also figured out some other things, like the folding of the kwa in white crane, and... all sorts of stuff...
I'm not quite right in shan tong bei, yet, but I'll keep going slowly and let it happen.
It's clouding up now, so I don't feel so bad about having to leave for work.
Ran into Kate from the dojo today. She's doing well. Not getting to the dojo as much as she'd like. She didn't know I'd left, but, like Sensei, she understood when I told her why I left.
28: Friday
Cloudy now, but there were promising patches of blue earlier. Cool. 40º.
Stepping with my tea...
Dao juan heng... I was being very sloppy with this, not really attending to correct whirling.. the "drawing in" before stepping back has me puzzled at the moment...
Stretching...
A little weight lifting.
29: Saturday
The hot water heater quit last night and spit up all over the basement floor. I'll have to do without for a few days.
The sun did come out this afternoon. Pastel colors everywhere, except for one brilliant orange and yellow maple at the west edge of the meadow. It was cold today, not much above 40º, and it's sleeting now and beginning to stick...
today I worked with my bo, trying to limber up my wrists for miao dao. I notice my middle blocks have improved...
Some knee walking... lots easier now!
Some Chen... my hands really are relaxed— and remain so throughout! I spend some time on the "hop step" that leads into zhuang bei lian in section five. I looked up the instruction Jonas gave me last year around this time. I got the coordination of my arm and hand movements with my feet worked out, but I can't figure out exactly how to "hop," and it's been so long since I've seen that move done, that I have no visual memory to draw on. If I remember, I'll ask Jonas to show me the move next week.
I spent some time today reading Stephen Selby's book Chinese Archery. Very interesting and entertaining reading. Not a dry old tomb by any means. There's a lot about history, as well as the human factor and the Art of Archery that has roots in qigong practice.
30: Sunday
A change from yesterday's snow: 65º, clear and sunny. Gorgeous day. Blue sky and deep gold and red leaves everywhere you look...
Stepping with my tea...
Some Chen...
I can feel yesterday's practice in my thighs...
My double fajing! to the right angle is working.
31: Monday
Another gorgeous day. I'm tempted to play hooky...
Some Chen...
I found the solution to the dead spot in xie xing ao bu. It was another "duh!" You are standing on your left leg, hands crossed in front; you kick out with the right foot, which lands, naturally!, toe up. I wasn't coordinating the opening of my hands with the lowering of my toe as I shifted into ma bu. Duh!*
Shan tong bei is still very rough...
The hop step in section five hasn't come to me yet...
Orange and yellow and deep reds against the brilliant green grass, the deep green pines and bright blue sky... the day could only be better if a friend would call and say, "Let's skip work and go practice." I'd go.
Excellent news! Mr. Selby has posted the information about the Ming crossbow for us on his web site! Talk about your supreme ultimate peach!
Happy Halloween!
I was wrong. The opening of the hands does NOT coordinate with the toe. Peng expresses in the crossed hands, with a little ni chan as the toe goes down. THEN the hands fan open as you fang song.
Copyright © 2005 New Moon
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