28 July 2001
I certainly left this place in a mess... Why, you ask? Now, that's a long and boring story!
I smudged my house last night bottom to top. Earlier in the evening I was visiting Jo, and I mentioned that things haven't been going well, and that the negativity is creeping up on me, getting louder and stronger. She gifted me with the stuff to smudge the house: abalone shell, sage, sweetgrass. I already had the wing feathers. So, I came home and smudged.
First I opened a window in each room. Then I started in the basement. I lit the sage in the shell and started fanning it into every corner of every room of the house, saying out loud as I went: "This is a good place, a friendly house, full of caring and peace... no bad things here... no mice (I hate having to put down D-Con, but what can I do if the mice won't stay away?)... no bad bugs (Worth a try, right?)... everything works properly and well in this house (I was smudging the furnace.)... people like this house... it's a friendly, peaceful place, full of love and laughter and" You get the idea. I did the whole place, even the porches and the "garage." Then I went back and lit the sweet grass (Jo was right: you have to keep lighting it.), and went through again, inviting in the positive energy. I gathered up the paraphernalia, thanked the feathers for their help in cleansing my house, and put everything away. Then I closed what windows needed closing.
I had bad dreams about loss and partings. This weather so fall-like and the stress... all the bad feelings from all the losses and disappointments of all my many years are being triggered...
But I can smell the sage and the sweetgrass. And I think the house is better for the ceremony. The house feels better. Maybe, in some ways, I do, too. And so I think I will smudge again. Soon.
Right now, all I want to do is cry from frustration and sadness and... I don't feel like this constantly, just from time to time. Today. Yesterday. This place I've been in for so long (and I don't mean this house, but that's part of it)... sometimes the only way out is to haul yourself up by the bootstraps.
Copyright © 2001 New Moon
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