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June 2005
Fajing! Ribbons and Fajing! Ribbons for Beginners © 2005 New Moon.
01: Wednesday
02: Thursday
Stepping with my tea... Chen stepping...
Two sets of 24 Form...
Chen. Section one... I worked on answering my own questions, and answered them— to the best of my ability. How to get the left foot turned from the forty-five to the front as you come up to pound the mortar for the third time? I thought at first that it might be something that needed to be deliberately coordinated, but, no, if you let the move work for you, your foot turns on its own. A lesson in over thinking that— of course, I could be wrong. I won't know unless Jonas says something about it. Or I ask.
I'm wondering if I should as Jonas to review my sections one and five. I could be going astray and never know it. Hmmmmm....
Hopping sideways down the porch, trying not to think, trying not to land "one-two"... sometimes I get it right.
03: Friday
04: Saturday
I'm slacking off. Yesterday I only did a little stepping, and today, while Ma was at class, I did only a little stepping and two sets of 24 Form...
The 24 Form was interesting... when I settled in Opening Form, I noticed a more profound rooting. My body moved less, but I settled more. Interesting. I don't know what I looked like, but it reminded me of how David used to settle into Opening Form, back in the days when, standing behind him, trying my best to mimic him, I couldn't figure out how he did that.
05: Sunday
Two sets of TCA in the dark: unsatisfying. One set of 24 Form in the dark: unbalanced— and how did I come to end in the center of the porch?! Very odd that.
I don't feel guilty about not having practiced over the last few days. It seems strange when I think about it, though. I wonder why I don't feel guilty, but it doesn't trouble me. Maybe I need the rest.
Whatever. If the weather doesn't cool down considerably, I won't feel like practicing at all— and I'll know the reason why. I hate heat. It was near 90º today. Yuk!
06: Monday
Stepping with my tea... when I step to the left, I notice that the muscles of my right side are tense and prevent me from turning my hips straight. This has been one of the reasons my balance on the left isn't as good. Now that I am aware of it— and it was habit, the habit of thinking I couldn't turn— I can correct it. Good.
Some Chen. Section one... *sigh* There will never be an end to yan shou hong quan...
Section five... que di long (dragon on the ground): What is going on in this move?
07: Tuesday
Sensei had us kicking the hanging bags last night. I was doing okay until I kicked one that was spinning. The torque caught my left heel and twisted my left knee. I went to the sidelines and, since no tearing or serious damage seemed to have been done, I stayed on the sidelines and kept my knee moving while everyone else finished up. Today I can feel that it was twisted, but it's okay.
Ditto for my left shoulder. It's the tonfa bother that. We only did 'tonfa ichi a couple of times, but my left arm isn't in shape yet. Soon.
Kim had us for kobudo, and she gave me a couple of corrections for sueyoshi no kun ichi: the spinning blocks start with the bo tip positioned behind the heel, not forward of it as I had been doing, and— that was the only correction in that kata. It was shima ijiri bo ichi that she told me to extend the swinging blocks out further (to clear lots of space around you of bad guys), and we were all told to work on keeping our hands closer together on the "figure eight" blocks.
In shima ijiri bo ichi bunkai I learned that I really need to figure out the best ways to do side blocks when I'm the attacker. I get very messed up. And if I don't figure it out soon, one of these days I'm going to get creamed by a side strike!
The School of Indiscriminate Grappling
The hardest, saddest thing I do each week is to get into my car after taiji and drive home. My heart aches to have to do it— and that seems very strange when I think about it now, because I suck so bad at taiji that I also want to run away as far and as fast as I can.
Things started out okay. I asked Jonas— he was there when I arrived, as were Scott, Tony and Lorna— about que di long. He showed me— all of us the move and explained how it works. And then he showed me how it works.
Qui di long. From single whip, both hands lu right and your weight shifts right. Then your fists twist around and down, the left wrist (fist palm down) coming to rest on the right wrist (fist palm up) eight inches or so above your right knee. Now the fists split, right going high, left going low. Left fist travels forward and down towards your left toe, then scoops upwards. In Yang style this would be Snake Creeps Down.
Okay. So. Let's say a right punch comes at you. You step in with your right towards the opponent's center and you block the punch with your left hand and grab his arm while striking at his face with your right hand. Now, as you pull (lu) his arm to your left, you go low on your right leg— for your own stability, as you squat low on your right leg, bring your left leg in so that you can kneel on it—, duck your head under his arm so his body comes across your shoulder, and bring your right fist down his front to slip between his legs (moving in close should have "encouraged" him to fold over you) so you can assist him in flying over you. Cool, right? If you do it right, he'll hardly brush your shoulder on his way over.
Jonas had everyone try it on him. When I tried it, though, I wasn't very ept. So, we tried again. This time I ended up on my ass with Jonas teetering over my shoulders trying not to squash me. We tried again; again I failed miserably. But Jonas let me try a few more times, and I sort've got the idea. But I felt very bad about being such a klutz. Nobody else got stuck like I did; nobody else fell on his ass.
John and Bob had arrived and after everyone had got a "flying lesson," John asked about the end of section one— the interminable yan shou hong quan— and we worked on that for a while.
Then it was officially time for class, and tonight's lesson was— grappling! Fixed stances, hand-arm contact only, trying to knock each other off balance...
I suck at this. The only time I "got" anyone else was when they'd made a gross error in judgement and "got" themselves. The rest of the time, all anyone had to do was deliver a little ji and over I'd go. I just couldn't figure out what to do.
But we had a great time. We were laughing and joking the whole while... It was a truly excellent class.
But I do suck at push hands. I really, really suck.
Class ran a bit long, and as were were leaving, Jonas said to me, "If you end up doing this in karate class, we'll know Tony's the mole." I said, "Well, we do have a kibadachi keiko exercise that we do where we try to knock each other off balance..." Out in the driveway, Jonas had me show him, and we played a bit, but....
Jonas was willing to play with me, but I felt... awkward? stupid? as if I was wasting his time? I don't know. I couldn't just go with it. Maybe I was tired. But now I'm mad at myself because I was handed the gift of Jonas to play with and I couldn't get out of my own way to enjoy it— to learn from it! What the hell is wrong with me?!
*sigh*
I wish I had pictures of the "flying lessons."
08: Wednesday
Why should I practice? If I've learned anything over the years of studying martial arts, it's that practicing the forms is one thing and making applications work is another, and the bottom line is that you can perform the forms with fluid grace and qi that flows like Niagra, but that won't give you any clue as to how to execute an application successfully. I've demonstrated that truth time and time again in both taiji and karate.
Jonas said last night— again— that one must invest in failure. My entire portfolio is comprised of failure. But I'm afraid that it will pay no dividend.
Que di long. Dragon on the ground. Flying lessons.
I fail because I don't believe in me.
Today the path is hard.
09: Thursday
Why does it feel so shameful to be ignorant of or inept in a skill?
That's how I feel about push hands and applications. And I think that's why I always feel like backing away when Jonas is trying to teach me. One doesn't like to appear slow or stupid, so instead of saying, "I still don't quite understand," one nods and says, "Of course," or otherwise implies that one has sufficient information— I'm never untruthful, though. Many times I do understand completely— in theory; it's just that I often haven't a clue about what to do in practice.
It's not a matter of pride. It's a not wanting to impose upon a teacher's valuable time because I know the "problem" is that I'm stupid.
That's how I feel, anyway. Stupid. Ashamed of my ignorance and ineptitude.
How long ago was I taught to feel this? Ages! My personal demons do their best to mess me up— but I'm getting better at pushing them back! And next time I won't let them make me back away from my teacher.
Some Chen...
Yan shou hong quan. Jonas demonstrated the last of the moves for John the other night, so I took advantage and and found out that Jonas does not turn his left toe forward when moving into jin gang dao zhui. The toe stays at the forty-five. Now I know.
I really do wish I'd thought to take some pictures during class Tuesday night. We did have a lot of fun with the "flying lessons."
10: Friday
Stepping with my tea... it's kicking the bags makes my left foot tender. It's not used to taking a pounding... I'm trying to go lower without going over my knee and that takes a different set of muscles... make a little progress every day.
11: Saturday
Some Chen. Slowly through section one, picking up the pace at yan shou hong quan... again... again... again... again...
Last night I was at home for a change and I remembered "Avatar: The Last Air Bender" was on NIK, so I sat and watched. The Avatar is a kid who has the potential to master all the elements, air, water, earth, and fire. He's still learning, though. In this episode, he was working on mastering water, and his friend, another kid who is a water bender, was helping him. They'd do the taiji forms and "work" the water. Grasp Peacock's Tail and Single Whip it looked like. Watching reminded me that I haven't been doing much "working the energy" lately...
Parctice! That's the only way to find how the qi works in this Chen form.
12: Sunday
Fajing! practice in the dark. I felt very relaxed and my hands felt as if they moved through water...
The fajing! after dan bian...
The fajing! leading into jin gang dao zhui...
The fajing! of yan shou hong quan... this is the most difficult. It requires splitting— lie, and the two moves, the knuckle/elbow strike followed by the double wrist strikes, are very difficult to relax in... I suppose it's the change of direction, diagonal to opposite diagonal... sort of.
Xiao jie ling jing is getting easier, I think. I'm not always trying to power my hands by using the rest of my body now. Not always.
I still don't know how to tie it all together without going tense... I'm wondering if I have the concept right. Maybe I should bring this up for discussion in class.
Silk reeling in the dark, watching the fireflies, listening to the peepers and crickets and tree frogs...
It's after eleven now. It was brutally hot and humid today, but it's cooler now and there's a bit of rain...
A little fajing! in the dark with the fireflies...
Sometimes I think I've "got" it. Like tonight. Just the one after single whip.. but do I? I'm relaxed, yes, but that's not what it's really about. There's much more to it...
I'm very tired and have to get up early. I'm going to bed. And as I drift off to sleep, I'm going to meditate on fajing! and see if my sleeping mind will be able to get through to my waking mind...
13: Monday
And standing practice, too... If I hadn't been studying taiji all these years, I wouldn't believe it.
14: Tuesday
Kobudo and karate classes last night were non-stop. The dojo has air conditioning, but you'd never know unless you were just standing around— and we don't do much of that!
We did bo/tonfa drills. I got to work with Bruce again. I was much better executing bo blocks. We had an excellent time.
Karate was brutal. Drill after drill, back and forth across the floor... we were partnered, and one person held the body target and moved in while the other defended with whatever was specified. Side kicks, nekko dachi front or side kicks, knee strikes... with back punches the object was to to move the target person all the way across the floor to the red mats. Whew! That's a workout!
Angie, Rob and Janna are off to Okinawa. This is Angie's second visit. When I consider how hot and humid Okinawa is supposed to be compared to here, I don't envy them at all.
Dark and overcast and 30º cooler than when I left to go to taiji...
We've begun section two. Jonas never gave a name to the move, but on my list it's pie shen chui, "striking down by twisting the body obliquely." I don't see how that translates, but what do I know?
Pound the mortar and keep your left leg weighted as you thrust your hands to the right forty-five, then pull back to center...
Now your hands separate, two squid swimming left and right away from each other, splitting the qi as they go, while you fang song... When your wrists get to be knee-width apart, the qi parts and your hands spear outwards as your right foot kicks out to the side to land heel down, toe up...
Lower your toe as you ni chan both hands back to center, right hand inside, wrists touching... fang song...
Close both hands into fists as your right hand turns palm down and your left turns palm up, wrist upon wrist...
Shun chan the right fist so the back of the wrist is touching the inside of the left wrist... fajing!
I need sleep. I'll continue this tomorrow.
15: Wednesday
Some Chen, trying to keep the moves quiet and small...
Last night, I wanted to ask about fajing! I mentioned to Joe that I had questions, but I just never found an appropriate opening during which to ask— never mind that I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to ask! After class, Joe commented that I hadn't asked. I tried to articulate my question, but...
Joe said fajing! is like snapping a towel. I can see that; it's what I figured. But... outside of the snap, what's the energy supposed to feel like?
Today I got a couple of lengths of ribbon— a cubit each— and attached them to the middles finger of each hand. (The ribbons were from christmas, red and green, thin "whippy" satin. Naturally I put the green on the right and the red on the left.) then I tried the various fajing! moves...
Interesting. When you get it right, the ribbon streams outwards. Not straight, exactly, and it gets hung up on fingers at times... I can only wonder what— how the ribbons would behave if Jonas were doing the snapping.
I stopped at Jo's on the way home, just to touch bases. She got caught up in a long phone converstaion, so I practiced the end of section one into section two. While I practiced I noticed a trukey watching from the deck. It finally came to the glass door and "knocked" with its beak to get my attention. It wanted to be fed. Jo spoils those wild turkeys.
The new move is easier today, and the coordination has sunk in...
Last night, Jonas said he had gone to Taiwan to study taiji because he wondered if they taught differently there, or if there were "secrets" that didn't get passed on to outsiders. What he discovered, he said, was that the difference in excellence comes from practice. They take their practice much more seriously, and they do more of it. (Duh!)
Tonight Ma was watching a piano competition on PBS. Young musicians kids, coming together for weeks. Part of the competition paired musicians together to play duets. To do this, they had to learn to work as a team, learn to read each other's playing techniques and mesh them toegether if they were going to do well in that part of the competition...
Last night our taiji class practiced the form together, but we weren't together at all. I guess I'll always wonder why they don't get the same good feeling I do out of matching pace with another person. I learn so much doing it, and it's... a joy— especially when you match with someone who is very accomplished. But none of them seem to care. Guess I'm just odd. (I used to like playing duets, too.)
16: Thursday
Some stepping, some kicking à la Jonas— xiao jie ling jing, remember! I try to kick the ceiling with my toe...
Some pie shen chui practice... if I think too much my left hand turns the wrong way, but I'm mastering the turn...
I find I want to deliver the fajing! with my right hand while my left remains passive. I don't have to ask if that's wrong! Fajing! involves the whole body. I'd better cure myself of this before it becomes a bad habit!
Some Chen. Sections one, two, and five...
Question on xie xing ao bu: in the open before boxing the opponent on both ears move, is there a weight shift to the rear leg? Hmmmm.... let's think about this...
Weight came forward when "picking up the bottle." Now arms open out to prepare for the wrist strike at the left forty-five...
Staying forward doesn't feel right, nor does moving onto the back leg. Centered is good, however, as it balances you for the following shun chan and scoop. I think I'll work with "center" a bit.
17: Friday
Side kicks. I was doing okay, but... I know what's supposed to happen: bring the knee up and over parallel to the floow, pivoting on the support leg until the toes point behind; kick and roll the hips. I also know I'm to aim beyond the target. So. Not too bad.
I was working with Fern. She was having some trouble— as I was— with rebound from the kicks, and Sensei came to help. He said that we had to move our hips in, too, not just move the foot in to kick; he also said to launch with the back leg. Well— that made quite a difference! ("One breakthrough, a hundred breakthroughs," as it says in the taiji classics.)
But what made the biggest difference to me was finding out that we're not supposed to return to seisan dachi stance as we do when we're drilling. I guess I'm stupid. Here I was struggling to kick and do so in a way that would allow me to return to correct stance, and never getting it right. But what gets me is that nobody ever said anything to me about it. Nobody ever mentioned I should do otherwise! (Maybe I'm not the only one who's stupid.)
Taiji.
While I practiced, the sky cleared. The shadow of a cloud— sharp edged for a cloud shadow— passed across the meadow and over the house. Sky above looked blue and the building thunderhead was to the southeast, but the passing cloud rained a bit on my house and passed on. The air is cool and fresh.
Some stepping... building leg strength... my left foot can keep contact now...
My heels hurt today. Kicking.
I wish I were as lucky as Gao Fu, the lady who began learning taiji in her late fifties. She found a teacher who gave her lessons every day— and for five or six hours! *sigh* Oh, well. If quality counts, I'm very lucky in my teacher.
I ran into Henry the other day at the DCC picnic. He and his wife were in taiji classes with me and Ma the first two years we studied with David. I asked Henry if he still studies, and he said, no, he had gotten bored. He wanted something more lively that TCA, which is all that David was teaching for a while there...
"All the secrets of taiji are contained in every single movememnt, and even in the mental intention that you create before the form begins, so, by mastering one thing, you master everything."
Some folks never look deeply.
18: Saturday
19: Sunday
20: Monday
Ma came down sick Saturday night and I've been sitting with her since. Saturday was dull and humid, so I put off practice thinking I'd wait for the cool of evening; but Ma had other plans for me. She got dizzy and sick whenever she was upright. I spent Saturday night, all day Sunday, and Sunday night with her. She's feeling better now, but she can't be left alone for too long. That's why I'm not going to work.
Practice. Two sets of 24 Form, nice and slow...
Some Chen... why can't I seem to find the flow of qi in this form?
Fajing! practice. I got some heavier ribbons. Beginner ribbons. The other ones are very light and it takes a better technique that mine to get them to work on all the fajing! moves...
Easiest is the one after single whip when both hands shoot in the same direction. Hardest is the one in pie shen chui where both hands jab in different directions. The ones that lead into jin gang dao zhui are slightly different because the hands rotate more, and somehow that makes them easier, but the ribbons tangle...
The thing is this: if your fajing! is timed correctly, if your hands are in correct position for fajing! the ribbons do snap outwards, the jing rippling along the length... I wonder if I should put a little weight on the end of the ribbons...
Sunset. The moon is nearly full this Summer's Eve. What a gorgeous night... moonshadows and fireflies and stars...
Some 24 Form; I don't know how many sets... I stir the qi and the moonlight makes my hands look like they're working magic...
Some Chen. Section one#— and two! I want to feel the same stirring of qi, but it eludes me. I have to work at relaxing during this form, and I can't always achieve it...
How to regain that feeling of being a weightless ball of energy...? I had it once. Knowing what's possible is most of achieving it.
No karate or kobudo tonight as I'm still keeping Ma company. But I have leave to go to taiji class tomorrow. Jon says he will look in on Ma while I'm gone.
The moon is bright, but it's so clear I can see the stars, too— and the fireflies. I saw a fireball. I wish I wasn't exhausted and could stay up all this shortest night of the year playing taiji until dawn.
21: Tuesday
Pie shen chui. Jonas says it means something like "draping the body," and we did a lot of draping ourselves over each other's bodies tonight to practice it. The manouver is for escaping a bear hug that comes from behind...
I've been trying to practice it, but without someone there to work against, the move is very difficult to execute. It's a kao jing delivered through/with the back and hips...
Okay. You're in ma bu, the right foot pointing to the right forty-five. Your hands are fists crossed at the wrists, chest high, right hand on the inside. You fajing! forward by leading with your fingers— xiao jie ling jing!— which means your fingers curl inwards to move you fowards in fajing!
Now you're going to turn your upper body to the left forty-five by closing the left kwa and so sinking down. As you do this, your fists separate, knuckles facing, "pulling taffy" between your fingertips— but the right fist remains in a fixed relative position...
At the forty-five, fists about a foot apart, bend the wrists inwards, downwards, outwards... fajing! upwards, and pull down with the rebound...
On the upwards fajing! part, fang song, flex your body backwards from back to hips to deliver kao jing to the body of your opponent who is draped on your back. Let the force of the fajing! push your right heel back to align your right foot with your left in a solid ma bu...
Now, "break" your wrists outwards...
Turn your upper body to the right by closing your right kwa as your fists again separate, the left moving on a slightly upwards curve, the right moving slightly downwards, to describe a tilting circle. You end in ma bu, torso facing right, left fist shoulder high, right hip high.
So, what happens here? Someone grabs you from behind in a bear hug, pinning your arms. You make fists and turn them downwards to create peng in your elbows while you sink down to begin the process of breaking the hug...
Now you fajing! with your back and hips to shudder your opponent with kao jing to break his root...
Quickly you turn to the side, your left hand grabbing his arm for control so he can't choke you, the right hand leading the energy around to deliver a nasty elbow strike to his short ribs. Neat.
22: Wednesday
Perhaps I could advertise. "Wanted. Taiji practice partner. Must be somewhat accomplished in taiji (and other Martial Arts). Must be available, and tireless, and willing... to tolerate me. Well-furnished mind."
Clear as a bell tonight. A heavy dew drips and sparkles: the meadow looks white in moonlight that's brighter than last night. No need for candles: I can see well that my balance is excellent.
Some Chen... slowly...
Last night while we awaited Jonas, we practiced. Joe led us in a very slow set, then John led in a medium set, then Bob led the lightning round. What fun it was trying to match speeds!
Tony was surprised how hard his body had to work to go very slowly. John said he had trouble feeling the flow at slow speed. Bob's lightning speed was a challenge to concentration. There was no time to think about what the next move was going to be. Excellent!
Tonight I understand pie shen chui better. The fajing! seemed to happen more naturally.
Lots of things are making more sense.
Yan shou hong quan is improving... it takes time for moves to sink in both mentally and physically. There's no way to rush the process, either. All you can do is keep practicing and let it happen.
One set of 24 Form... in some ways I think this was the best set I've ever done...
I was very low— that's not necessary or an indication of excellence, just something that occurred naturally tonight— and relaxed. I felt a lot of power in the moves and they flowed nicely... but I have to admit I was uneven in places and I wobbled a time or two—
How can I say that set was excellent? If you'd felt it, you'd say the same.
23: Thursday
After that, bunkai. Fern and I worked on pinan shodan again. We are very much improved....
I am beginning to be comfortable with doing bunkai. I move much better.
24: Friday
Some Chen... I don't know how many sets of section one...
I was tense on the first few sets, but then I found I could go softly... that felt much better... easier...
I worked on bits and pieces. Yan shou hong quan, pie shen chui... I went slowly and softly...
Sometimes I wonder what I must look like to the expert eye. What strengths and weaknesses do they see?
Today my right heel is sore from kicking. It tingles a bit. I went for a long walk earlier and that helped. At least I'm still kicking with the correct part of my foot!
25: Saturday
Some stepping... my left leg/foot balance has definitely improved...
Some Chen, trying to stay soft...
Bits and pieces... pie shen chui... if you keep your balance on the left leg after pounding and don't let it shift to center until you complete the ni chan that brings your hands together, the whole move works more easily.
Fajing! practice. I think I've managed to differentiate the techniques of the moves correctly:
In the double fajing! left after dan bian, both hands turn over (left: shun chan; right: ni chan) and "stab," then come quickly back in a lu...
In the double opposing fajing! that immediately precedes pounding, the hands turn over flat (palms up), both shun channing and spiraling about the middle finger. (These can be construed as blocking moves where the back of the hand and the wrist/thumb joint "catch" whatever is coming in.) Here it is the turning over flat that "makes" the move...
In the double opposing fajing! of pie shen chui, the hands "stab" after the "taffy" snaps. This one is difficult because the hands are already moving apart, going in the direction the jing will go, but the fingers are pointing inwards. If you don't let your fingertips lead and you use your wrists, you will lose all power for the "stab." You must keep the energy at the tips of the fingers throughout and merely let the wrists follow...
Ditto for the fajing! in yan shou hong quan. Don't lead with your wrists! Xiao jie ling jing! Find the line you have to move along, and follow your fingertips!
26: Sunday
I practiced a bit earlier: I'm still assimilating fajing! and the way the fingers lead the power...
My eyes are tired. I feel very stressed. Maybe meditation will help...
27: Monday
Like a zombie I went out onto the porch and did a set of 24 Form. If not for that, I think I might've been lost forever.
My eyes are still tired. I've left my glasses off. My heart is tired, too.
Some Chen, section one— and two... yan shou hong quan, jin gang dao zhui, pie shen chui...
After a while, I took my shoes off...
Again... again... again... again... again...
I tried to be very fierce in this section— and still not get slivers in my feet! Actually, I found I am a lot lighter on my feet than I remember...
And I found a lot more energy in everything. The "loading" of the moves worked better, the "releases" were sharper... I felt I did a pretty good job of aping Jonas— though there's no question about it; I am only an ape, not a master.
Taiji is addictive. Each time I practice a move I think, "I can do that better," and so I try again, and again, and again...
I still wonder if I am doing anything right.
28: Tuesday
My heels hurt. I'm very glad that Sensei has us working on our kicks, but I hate the hobbling around I do when I get up in the morning because my heels are so sore. Feet, get used to it!
Eric and Linda were at the dojo last night. I hadn't seen them in ages it seems. They're moving to New Hampshire in August. I didn't get a chance to ask if they'll continue to come down for lessons regularly.
Yesterday, there was an email conversation amongst my taiji classmates. The email of a former member of the class happened to be in someone's list, so he got included. When he chimed in on the conversation, he mentioned that he would be interested in learning miao dao sword form if Jonas had a mind to teach it. Jonas wrote back that he'd been considering fielding that very idea and asked if there was any interest. I replied in the affirmative. So did Bob. That's three. I hope Jonas does decide to do a sword class. I really, really do.
29: Wednesday
We went through the remainder of pie shen chui. Very complex— complicated. Each move has a lot of layers. It's lucky for us Jonas is an excellent explainer.
Class— taiji last night made me feel really bad. We played push hands. I do not "get" push hands, not at all.
I was partnered with Lorna. She's quite good, I think, but because she's quiet about it, it's easy to underestimate her...
The guys were all grappling away, of course, struggling like titans, using mostly muscle— more than they should, anyway, I'll wager, though they do have some technique...
But Lorna and I just quietly pushed and listened...
I find it very distrubing that I don't have a clue what to do. I'm not completely "deaf," but they're speaking to me in a foreign language in a foreign land and I don't know what they're saying or what my response is supposed to be. It's very frustrating. Almost I wanted to cry.
Lorna knew I was upset. She said to me, "I think we got more out of the exercise than any of them did." I don't know.
Today the lonliness is worse than ever.
30: Thursday
Some Chen. I've been puzzled all day by a question of what the correct coordination of the fajing! in pie shen chui is. The fists turn in, down, up, and then pull down, but does the fajing! happen on the upturn and is the pull downwards a rebound? It's so difficult sometimes when every move is broken down...
Too much analysis messes things up. When I did the move just now in practice, it seemed to work, but I find I can't explain the timing exactly...
Book: Blink by Malcomb Gladwell. This book discusses exactly what I'm talking about, but it doesn't solve the problem.
More practice seems to be the only answer.
Yintien: cloudy. At least the humitidy has dropped.
Some Chen...
Pie shen chui. I noticed Tuesday and since than when I'm in this ma bu my weight is on the inside edges of my feet. It's especially noticable here becuase the stance is wide and there are lots of upper body moves to go through while in it— in fact, we haven't moved out of ma bu yet. I do hope next week's move will take us out of it.
I'm often tempted to ask Jonas questions, but there's a lot to be said for letting practice do the triage on them. That way, the questions that make it through are valuable to both of us—
Yeah, I suppose this is a backwards kind of triage. Triage is supposed to maximize the number of survivors, but mine does the opposite. The unimportant questions are allowed to die quietly and only the ones that show persistence are treated seriously and thoroughly. I wonder what the word is for what I'm doing... practice!
So. Keep your feet flat, fang song— especially song...
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