XFiles Reviews Logo © 1999 L. Mundy


Season VII


First of all, I want to know why anyone-- Anyone-- outside of a pathological engraver with a penchant for cryptography-- would carve all those silly religious & pseudo-scientific "quotations" on the outside of his-- or anyone else's-- spaceship? Does this make sense? (And have you proved it's a spaceship? How? As I see it, Hon, what we have here is an artifact.)

Next, Scully, I want a recount on the number of human chromosomes. I could be wrong, but I don't remember it being twenty-four. Or were you talking aliens or mutants? And what has that got to do with anything, anyway?

And, finally, I want to know-- again, this is directed at you, Scully-- why did you tell Mulder you have discovered "The Key"? You have discovered nothing-- zilch-- bupkis!-- except maybe a swarm of killer clothes moths (And why did you not just leave the tent, or carry the stupid lantern outside, by the way?). Whatever "key" you may feel yourself to be in possession of, you have proved nothing. But perhaps you are alluding to a "key" you found in a box of Cracker Jacks you had for breakfast on the plane?

Well, Scully, I have to say I'm bitterly disappointed by the lack of science and scientific method being displayed. But by gum, lady, you were looking good. New makeup. And those tight shirts and low camera angles were very-- did Aaron Spelling direct this episode? But then you would have arrived at that dig site in shorts and a halter top, instead of that unattractive and unrevealing khaki suit with the straight ankle-length skirt that no woman in her right mind would have worn to a dig site even if she had to stop at a store on the way to buy something else-- not to mention a sensible pair of shoes!

And what about Mulder? (At last! A situation in which Mulder's hairstyle looks appropriate!) Poor Mulder. Getting a telepathic earful from all and sundry. (I'm wondering if he laughed himself insane listening to Agent Fowley's and A.D. Skinner's thoughts.) And why wasn't his mother called when he collapsed? Supposedly, he's dying. I can understand the FBI having power of intervention for medical emergencies involving their agents which would remove the necessity of having to get permissions and releases from next of kin, but, really, in a case like this, they'd've had to call his mom.

Nuts. And there isn't anything else to comment on, is there? Because, as you must have noticed if you were watching, and your brain was on, in this episode, nothing happened.

I can't wait until next week.


Extra Credit Questions:

  • When was the Koran written?

  • When did the Navaho People occupy the lands in the Southwest; and why is Louis L'Amour so popular?

  • Why does everyone always drag in the Bible?

  • Why in heck doesn't anyone get suspicious when these "mysterious writings" can be interpreted by applying a straight letter for letter substitution? (Is there anyone out there who thinks the ancient Navaho would have called "DNA" "DNA"?)

  • Why is Scully seeing a Witch Doctor? (He say, Ooh, eee, ooh, ah-ah; ting, tang, walla-walla, bing-bang; ooh, eee, ooh, ah-ah, ting-tang, walla-walla, bing, bang! Some truths are not for you. (-- Remember? --))


Season VII

"Premiere" Part 2

Scully has finally flipped. All her science has been replaced by unquestioning faith. She has become Mulder. This is a sad day. Now who is going to keep Mulder honest? And what's Scully going to do for a job? The first time a real scientist-- or anyone with a brain-- gets a look at one of her field reports and notices that she is no longer dealing with science or provable facts, she's going to get her ass canned. This is just terrible... just terrible...

It's even worse than the fact that we've all been "had" again by Chris Carter. Except for telling us that Mulder is immune to the alien plague ("Purity," is it?) we are no wiser than before. (Yeah, yeah, but we already "knew" that Mulder would be the saviour of mankind.)

I'm glad Diana Fowley has rejoined Spender. They deserve each other. As characters they were never a success; and as plot devices they were transparently contrived. Perhaps they will do better on another plane of existence, but I doubt it. (As for Mulder's attraction to Diana, I can only say it just proves he's farsighted-- optically speaking, that is. That makeup! Eyes like pissholes in the snow! Gawd. And ten years older than him if she's a day!)

Well, next week, it looks as if we'll be back to the old routine. I can only hope that a couple of weeks of wearing that head bandage and hat will have tamed Mulder's hair.

Extra Credit Questions:

  • There's so much stupidity this time... I'll have to give these some thought...


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