27 January 99


  I'm still here. I've been giving this Journal a lot of thought...

Monday, I had five minutes to myself, and I wrote to my old Professor. I mentioned this on-line Journal experiment to him, and I found in the writing that I had defined the problem I've been having with my Journal. The problem is that when I write these entries, I know I am writing to someone, but I don't know who. And that makes it very difficult for me to know what to say, or how to say it...

I have been writing all my life-- since I could hold a pencil. And all my life, every word I've ever written has been written to someone. Letters were written to specific people or institutions personified ("Whom It May Concern"). Papers were written as if I were speaking to my teachers. My Journal entries were always written to myself. And I even wrote stories and novels and plays as if I were speaking to one particular listener, someone I knew, someone I "saw" listening as I unfolded the story.

For instance, in the letter to my professor, I used acting references because I was talking to a fellow stage actor. I mentioned to him that I had never felt "naked" on stage because the words and emotions belonged to someone else; but that in my on-line journal experiment, being honest became a problem...

The Journal is different. The words are mine, but I am not writing for myself alone. I know that people have read what I've written here. But, I don't know which of them will read it, or when, or if... still, I can't ignore the fact that I may have readers-- no matter how obscure my Journal's address may be, this Internet is not a private place. But I can't identify my listeners, and, consequently, I just don't know what I'm supposed to say, or how I should best say it. As I realized in writing to Doc, there are some things one can say to some people, but not to others; and, depending on who one is talking to, there are ways-- and then there are ways-- of expressing those things optimally...

So. My question is, Who am I writing to?

I will continue to ponder this question. A friend I spoke to today had some interesting ideas about what this Journal may be about. I'm thinking about it, and, in time, I may solve my conundrum. I'll try to keep you (whoever you are) posted.



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